Concern:
Are narcissists mostly hyperactive or hypoactive sexually and to what degree are they most likely to be unfaithful in marriage?
Response:
Broadly speaking, there are 2 kinds of narcissists, loosely representing the 2 categories discussed in the concern.
Sex for the narcissist is an instrument created to increase the variety of Sources of Conceited Supply. If it takes place to be the most effective weapon in the narcissist's toolbox he makes profligate usage of it. In other words: if the narcissist can not acquire love, affection, approval, applause, or any other type of attention by other methods (e.g., intellectually) he turns to sex.
He then become a satyr (or a nymphomaniac): indiscriminately engages in sex with several partners. His sex partners are considered by him to be items-- sources of Narcissistic Supply. It is through the procedures of successful seduction and sexual conquest that the narcissist obtains his badly required conceited "fix".
The narcissist is most likely to best his strategies of courting and regard his sexual exploits as a form of art. He typically exposes this side of him in fantastic detail to others, to an audience, anticipating to win their approval and appreciation. Because the Egotistical Supply in his case remains in the very act of conquest and (what he perceives to be) subordination the narcissist is required to hop from one partner to another.
Some narcissists prefer "complicated" situations. Such a narcissist may be married, however he does not regard his extra-marital affairs as either unethical or a breach of any specific or implicit agreement in between him and his spouse.
He keeps explaining to anyone who cares to listen that his other sexual partners are absolutely nothing to him, worthless, that he is merely making the most of them which they do not make up a danger and ought to not be taken seriously by his partner. In his mind a clear separation exists in between the truthful "female of his life" (truly, a saint) and the sluts that he is having sex with.
With the exception of the meaningful ladies in his life, he tends to view all women in a bad light. His behaviour, therefore, accomplishes a double function: protecting Egotistical Supply, on the one hand and re-enacting old, unresolved conflicts and injuries (desertion by Main Objects and the Oedipal conflict, for example).
When undoubtedly deserted by his partner the narcissist is veritably stunned and harmed. Following a period of deep depression and self-destructive ideation the narcissist is most likely to feel cleansed, invigorated, unshackled, prepared for the next round of hunting.
There is another type of narcissist. He also has bouts of sexual hyperactivity in which he trades sexual partners and tends to regard them as items.
An unpleasant divorce, a destructive personal monetary turmoil and this kind of narcissist adopts the view that the "old" (intellectual) solutions do not work any longer. He desperately searches and searches for brand-new ways to bring in attention, to restore his False Ego (= his grandiosity) and to secure a subsistence level of Narcissistic Supply.
Sex comes in handy and is a Amateur Male Webcams fantastic source of the ideal kind of supply: it is immediate, sexual partners are interchangeable, the service is detailed (it incorporates all the aspects of the narcissist's being), natural, extremely charged, daring, and pleasurable. Therefore, following a life crisis, the cerebral narcissist is likely to be deeply involved in sexes extremely frequently and almost to the exclusion of all other matters.
Nevertheless, as the memories of the crisis fade, as the conceited injuries heal, as the Narcissistic Cycle re-commences and the balance is restored this second kind of narcissist exposes his true colours. He abruptly dislikes sex and in all his sexual partners. The frequency of his sexes weakens from a couple of times a day to a couple of times a year. He goes back to intellectual pursuits, sports, politics, voluntary activities anything however sex.
This kind of narcissist is scared of encounters with the opposite sex and is even more scared of psychological participation or commitment that he fancies himself susceptible to develop following a sexual encounter. In basic, such a narcissist withdraws not just sexually however also mentally.
He ends up being completely immersed in "huge projects", long-lasting plans, a vision, or a cause all very satisfying narcissistically and all extremely requiring and time consuming. In such circumstances, sex inevitably ends up being a responsibility, a requirement, or a maintenance task reluctantly carried out to protect his sources of supply (his household or family).
The cerebral narcissist does not enjoy sex and without a doubt prefers masturbation or "unbiased", emotionless sex, like going to woman of the streets. Really, he utilizes his mate or spouse as an "alibi", a guard versus the attentions of other ladies, an insurance policy which preserves his virile image while making it socially and morally good for him to prevent any intimate or sexual contact with others.
Ostentatiously disregarding ladies aside from his other half (a form of hostility) he feels righteous in saying: "I am a faithful husband". At the very same time, he feels hostility towards his spouse for ostensibly preventing him from freely expressing his sexuality, for separating him from carnal pleasures.
The narcissist's warded off reasoning goes something like this: "I am married/attached to this female. I am not enabled to be in any kind of contact with other women which might be analyzed as more than casual or professional. This is why I refrain from having anything to do with ladies because I am being faithful, instead of most other unethical men.
They can have as much sex and love as they desire to while I am restricted to this marital relationship, chained by my other half, my freedom suppressed. I am angry at her and I will punish her by abstaining from having sex with her."
Thus annoyed, the narcissist reduces all way of sexual intercourse with his close circle (spouse, children, parents, siblings, extremely intimate pals): sexual, verbal, or psychological. He restricts himself to the rawest exchanges of information and isolates himself socially.
His reclusion guarantees against a future hurt and avoids the intimacy that he so fears. But, again, this way he also protects desertion and the replay of old, unsettled, disputes. He truly is left alone by everybody, with no Secondary Sources of Supply.
In his mission to discover brand-new sources, he once again starts ego-mending bouts of sex, followed by the selection of a spouse or a mate (a Secondary Egotistical Supply Source). The cycle re-commence: a sharp drop in sexual activity, emotional lack and vicious detachment leading to desertion.
The 2nd kind of narcissist is mainly sexually loyal to his partner. He rotates between what appears to be hyper-sexuality and asexuality (really, forcefully quelched sexuality). In the 2nd stage, he feels no sexual advises, bar the most fundamental. He is, therefore, not forced to "cheat" upon his mate, betray her, or breach the marital promises. He is a lot more thinking about avoiding an uneasy diminishing of the type of Egotistical Supply that actually matters. Sex, he says to himself, gladly, is for those who can do no much better.
Somatic narcissists tend to verbal exhibitionism. They tend to brag in graphic information about their conquests and exploits. In extreme cases, they might introduce "live witnesses" and go back to total, classical exhibitionism. This agrees with their tendency to "objectify" their sexual partners, to participate in emotionally-neutral sex (group sex, for instance) and to indulge in autoerotic sex.
This outside "appearance" is also what specifies the narcissist. One (the exhibitionist) may be the conclusion, the "pure case" of the other (the narcissist).